The Plan to Save RHONY
On RHONY's Pigeongate and recasting the show
We can be thankful that RHONY has recovered from last week’s abysmal episode. Unfortunately, that means it’s just back to being as boring as normal this week.1 In the aftermath of Erin’s latest “prank,” the ladies are rightly pissed off at her and Rebecca. By the way, Andy Cohen and the viewers were pissed off too. Manufacturing shit for the show is annoying! Now, I know it’s not new to Bravo to fake shit for the cameras. Even OG Sonja Morgan faked a relationship on the show once! It’s reality television after all. But there’s something about duping the entire audience into believing a situation is real, then pulling the rug out from under them and going “It’s a prank” that’s especially annoying. The fact that Erin is so giddy about it this week doesn’t help. The fact that Rebecca pulled this shit last week and then isn’t even in this episode for the fallout is even more telling. She’s a chop!
I’m still (faintly) of the opinion that this show can be fun. I doubt Bravo is going to admit defeat and cancel RHONY so soon,2 so what the show needs is some retooling next season. I think most of the cast works individually, it’s the group chemistry that needs to be fixed. Case in point (and full disclosure!), I became friends with Jessel after interviewing her last year. We had lunch last week and she’s incredibly funny and engaging in person! Case in point, we made a reservation at a crowded West Village restaurant and were placed in the middle of two loud-as-hell tables instead of a chic corner table. After immediately clocking a fan sneaking photos of us on her phone, the former PR girl in her jumped out and we were eventually moved out away from shuttering iPhone cameras. The entire lunch was more fun than a single episode of this season! So what’s the problem?
First, this is a new version of RHONY. It should feel like a new version. Instead, it feels weirdly claustrophobic. The cast only hangs out with each other, and they rarely leave the same neighborhoods they live in. I thought this version was supposed to show a modern New York? Where’s Brooklyn? Queens? Astoria? The Bronx? Chic restaurants and events happen in those neighborhoods. And where are the New Yorkers? New York is full of celebrities, moguls, models, businessmen, and straight-up weirdos. Why haven’t any of them popped up on the show? By contrast, the party Sutton thew on the premiere of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills made us feel like we were dropping into a world that exists even when the cameras are off. Every event is a picnic, a lunch, or a branded event for someone’s Mezcal. It doesn’t feel like we’re watching a show about a city. If this show is supposed to give Sex and the City vibes, it should remember that creator Darren Star always said the fifth character of Sex and the City was New York itself.
Second, rebooting the show caused some initial buzz, but it mostly pissed off longtime Bravo viewers. It brought in new ones who wanted to see what Jenna fucking Lyons would be like on the show, but that novelty wore off quickly when Jenna wouldn’t play ball the first season. The show is unlikely to grab new viewers in season three unless it brings in recognizable faces. But if you think this is me advocating for the OGs to return, I’m not!
There’s another way to bring in new RHONY viewers who are also loyal Bravo viewers. And that’s casting two current Bravolebrities on the series. In the past, Andy used to be reticent about crossovers in the franchise. But I think Taylor Armstrong on Orange County and Phaedra Parks hopping from Atlanta to Married to Medicine back to Atlanta has cured him of that. So, who should move over to RHONY from their current series? Lindsay Hubbard and Paige DeSorbo.
Hear me out. The two Summer House cast members have gone from friends to enemies to frenemies throughout seven seasons. Lindsay is pregnant in the upcoming season. I think the time has passed for her to be hanging out with people in their early 30s, getting wasted, and hooking up with each other.3 Paige has used the show to make herself a successful podcaster and social media fashionista (she has more followers than anyone on the RHONY cast, even Jenna Lyons). On Summer House, it’s a common joke that she sits in bed all day (but she does give drama to the rest of them when she’s pissed off). But now that she’s dating Craig Conover, she also appears on Southern Charm, and it is so much more enjoyable watching her dress up and go to events over hanging around a house in the Hamptons all day.
Lindsay and Paige’s built-in fanbases would watch them on RHONY and their years-long relationship would pay dividends in real conflict between people who actually know each other. Besides, as we all know, every fight on Real Housewives is really about the show. Sticking two Bravo stars on the show to shake up the cast would put the rest of the ladies on notice to up their game, it might breed a bit of resentment (which is great for conflict), and it would definitely cause the ladies to splinter into sides in any Lindsay-Paige conflict.
As for the rest of the existing cast: bring me the axe!