The ins & outs list has become so ubiquitous that it’s not uncommon to see a friend post: “OUT, your little lists.” Though, hypocritically, one friend who recently posted this sentiment often expects us to eagerly respond to their work posts or updates on their impending wedding. There have always been opponents to monoculture or trends. Whether through contrarianism, a need for attention, or just generally being a hater. But these aren’t new, they’re just a new form of New Year’s resolutions. But most people are uncomfortable with being earnest online. Sharing your resolutions is an admittance of fault, of traits you want to fix. In contrast, for many, an ins & outs list allows a healthy distance from divulging your insecurities and aspirations.
Anyway, Heidi Klum is back on Project Runway. So it’s safe to say that thanks to her iconic send-off, “either you’re in… or you’re out,” deciding what is “in & out” is still en vogue.
INS
Tyler Perry
All year, my white friends have been tuned into Yellowstone and Lioness by the white Tyler Perry, otherwise known as Taylor Sheridan. So this year I’m going to stop worrying and love the bomb — Beauty in Black was kinda lit? A rip-off of P-Valley, but I love trash! I wish Perry would hire people who know what they’re doing so his shows would be better written and produced, but, as long as we get another Acrimony this year instead of another boring dud like Mea Culpa, I’m just gonna give in!
Beyond The Gates
Y’all know I love a soap opera! CBS’ new drama Beyond the Gates is the first new daytime soap opera to debut since Passions in 1999 and the first Black one to debut since 1989’s Generations. I hope the show gives us fun twists on the usual soap clichés and also delivers some Dominque Deveraux-style bougie black antics.
Uniforms
Fast fashion is killing the planet, so scrolling the internet for an outfit to wear for an event or Coachella or some other trip is out. Why pump a look for an event when you can wear one of your favorite sweaters and most of your friends don’t even remember you wearing it before? People have a lot going on, we’re not outfit rememberers, Lizzie McGuire! Find a look that works for you and repeat it—every day, if you want.
Historical non-fiction
Baby, a new Trump presidency means literacy is out the window and so is history too. I barely remember shit from school, so I’ve picked up reading up on history I forgot and also shit I never learned. There are essentials like The Warmth of Other Suns and Caste but also, I worked at Borders during the height of Devil in the White City and I plan on revisiting biographical thrillers that too.
Prozac
Depression and anxiety are IN this year and I’d love them not to be!
Cookbooks
As Brendon Holder said in Loosey, potlucks are OUT. But I know a lot of friends with cookbooks at home they never use. I’m bringing back my tradition of picking a random dish from a cookbook every month or so and cooking for a small group of friends.
Impromptu book clubs
On that note, organizing a book club every month can get annoying. Some people don’t even finish the book or they’re rushing to finish it the night before. I’ve become a fan of posting about a book you’re finishing on social media, then inviting any other friends who’ve recently read or are currently reading it to join you for drinks and an impromptu book chat. It’s a fun way to also find out what your friends are reading.
Or you could join:
My friend Mikey Friedman, who loves books, restaurants, and raves as much as I do, started a new kind of book club/retreat last year that I loved. Every 4-8 weeks, 15 people can sign up for a weekend retreat where everyone reads a book aloud and discusses it. Allies are welcome, but it’s queer-owned and the focus is usually on queer or culturally diverse books1. Also, each meal is provided by local chefs and designed to correlate with mentions of food in the book you’re reading.
Vodka gimlets
For some reason I’m doing dry January, but when it’s over I’m kicking off my dinners with this sweet, tart cocktail. It’s a classic, but it’s not too obnoxious to make either (like an aviation, which I also love, but not every bar has creme de violette). You can also skip the simple syrup if you want it to be less sweet.
VIIA
During dry January, I plan to be stoned as much as I can. I’m obsessed with Viia’s new cannabis gummies. The High Love ones really work…
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Jewels Sparkles
Honestly, I’m always excited for a new season of RuPaul’s Drag Race because I don’t oversaturate myself with all the international seasons. Who has the time?? This year, I’m rooting for Jewels Sparkles solely because like me, she is a Leo, Gemini rising, and Taurus moon. If you want to imagine me as a reality TV star, this will probably provide some insight.
Sniffies
People talk too damn much on Grindr. Gays love to organize drinks or dinners on Grindr, but refuse to do the same on actual dating apps. Hinge is hell. Raya is even worse.
Group chats just for plans
How many of us have group chats muted because two people spend all day texting about nonsense? Bring back group chats with a purpose. I don’t want to miss plans because I don’t need another full day of Luigi Mangione memes. If our group chat originated on a vacation or planning a specific event, let’s only use it when you have something to invite everyone to.
Book Tours
Specifically, mine! Visit me in Portland, San Francisco (on sale soon), Los Angeles, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, New York, Brooklyn, D.C., Minneapolis, or Boston!
Brooklyn restaurants
There’s a wealth of amazing restaurants in Brooklyn that people rarely flock to. Sure, there are some annoying reservations in Brooklyn too, but for the most part, even the hot spots Daphne, Lilia, and Four Horsemen aren’t impossible. One of my favorite things to do is travel to a neighborhood I don’t live in with a friend for dinner and drinks. Even more so this year, since I’m debating leaving the West Village for one of the neighborhoods in Brooklyn. 😮💨 For a city as big as New York, people who live here don’t explore it enough. Vacations might be expensive but a 40-minute day trip is much cheaper (well, depending on where you eat).
OUTS
Hard to get reservations
Conversely, New York is always abuzz with a new restaurant, usually in the West Village, like Kiko and Zimmi’s and Corner Store (SoHo). I’ve visited both this week and while Lina Goujjane and Alex Chang’s Kiko is lush and romantic (the Dungeness crab thrice fried chicken wings gagged me!), Zimmi’s reminded me why I hate the cramped, expensive West Village. You can’t go wrong with French food, but the seating arrangements are horrible and there’s only one good pasta on the menu. It’s one of those spots that became impossible to book immediately and honestly, it’s not worth it. Just go to Buvette or Pastis — or Le Crocodile. Then there’s Corner Store, the novelty of attending the spot that “Taylor Swift loves!” has worn out in 2025. I’m not gonna put her on the out list because I’m not crazy, but we’ve had two years of Swiftmania and it’s time for a BREAK! And trying desperately to get into a restaurant just because she and other celebs have visited, and not once mentioning the food as a reason to attend, is the least cool thing I can imagine. If you can’t pop into the restaurant and get a seat at an impromptu bar seat, then it’s not worth it.
Not bringing things to house parties
What happened to… manners? Yes, if you’re hosting a party you should probably be providing beverages for your guests. But also, would it hurt to grab a bottle of wine or some non-alcoholic beverages on your way to a friend’s place? Midwesterners never fail at this, btw.
Boyfriends
I committed too much to being “a Carrie” last year, working on my book in my West Village apartment, that I thought I needed a Big or an Aiden. Turns out, nobody knows what they want and I realized I am not a person who cares to take someone else into account when I’m making plans. Nor do I feel like updating someone on what I do during the day. Dating is in, but boyfriends are out for 2025. I’m dating my book! Okay, that was an annoying Carrie thing to say.
Espresso martinis
I succumbed to a few of these last year, but this is on the list again because now even bros are drinking these? The fun of everyone at the table ordering espresso martinis (that are usually pre-made anyway) died when Kamala went BRAT, sorry.
Second acts of bad plays
Theatre is always in, but at least four times last year I sat through plays that I wish I’d bailed on during intermission. The second acts did not get better. Next time, I’m gonna bounce and get a martini and fries.
Letterboxd ratings
Fine, I’ll admit it. The five-star Letterboxd rating is a little annoying. It should really be four stars! But also, I’d rather write out my thoughts on a film rather than give it an arbitrary rating. Also, people I work with in the future maybe don’t need to know I gave their last film a 2. Because even films I dislike I can still find something critical to engage with beyond a star rating.
Hating your friends
If you spend most of your time dragging a friend who’s not present, maybe you don’t like that person? And shouldn’t hang out with them!
Vapes
You either lose your vape or live long enough to see your friend “borrow it” and never give it back. I’m sticking to cigarettes, no one ever bums a full pack!
Arguing sales in pop diva debates
The minute someone brings up “sales” or “charts” in a debate about music taste (you know the ones), chop the convo, they’re not a serious person.
Knowing your worth
The media landscape is being decimated left and right and you will be exploited by CEOs with a lot of money who want you to work for free. But if you are the draw for your audience and not the company at large, then it’s time to start doing your own thing. Hunter Harris left Vulture to start Hung Up, and you can do the same.
House of the Dragon
Let the dragons go, sis.
Living in New York all year
I love this city. I’ll die here! Probably2. But after I get through my book release, I’m once again going to find somewhere less distracting to work on my next one.
Not buying my book
Imagine subscribing to Frank and not reading my damn book! Pre-order it here.
The book on my retreat was C Pam Zhang’s Land of Milk and Honey.
Hopefully in a villa in Europe if these books start selling, girl.
definitely yes to the outfit repeating and using cookbooks more often!!!
i see having a uniform as my version of a cartoon character outfit haha. i find i dress for comfort even if that means physically comfortable or my style (it has taken me a few years to get to this point!)
i hope to improve as a cook/baker in my own home so im excited to try and take my own notes based on adjustments i make
nodded through many of these. espresso martinis baffled me after awhile. i'd watch straight guys send them like shots before dates. relax???? this generation clearly didn't live through the original 4 loko recipe and it shows.
also, your mention of borders moved me. <3