When Sabrina Carpenter Burns the Holy Bible in Public... How Can I Stand By Silently!
Saturday Brain Rot
Here’s an excerpt from a recent Substack post on Sabrina Carpenter’s new album cover:
Dear Friend: I don't hate Sabrina Carpenter! But as a mother, I must protect my children from their evil influence. And I am sure you have heard about my fight here in Dade County, Florida — and nationwide — for the rights of my children and yours. But I had no idea my speaking out would lead to such frightening consequences: (... ugly persecution at the hands of militant homosexual groups.) ... the attempted blacklisting of my career. Constant bitter threats to shut me up for good. misguided individuals hounding me and my family, even when we go to church. All this, because I stood up for my children — as a mother — as American — as a Christian. Then, when the Sabrina Carpenter lost the Substack personal essay crowd, she and her producer Jack Antanoff burned the Holy Bible! That's why I am writing you today — because I cannot remain silent while radical, militant anti-feminist pop stars are making millions of dollars under the disguise of "artistic rights.”
Do you realize what she wants? She wants to recruit our school children under the protection of the laws of our land!
Okay, so that’s not from an actual Substack post. It’s an edit of a 1977 Anita Bryant speech. But it might as well be from one of the many goddamn posts about Carpenter that have popped up in the past few days, thanks to her Man’s Best Friend album cover. I’m not sure who’s behind the marketing on her team, but the fact that she’s now working with Jack Antonoff, Taylor Swift’s #1 producer, has to mean something. Swift and as a result Antonoff have created an entire ecosystem around themselves. Not just from actual critics, but from so many losers who post incessant videos about how much they hate Swift. An ecosystem of Swifties and Swift haters who game the algorithm on her back. She keeps so many people fed. Why wouldn’t Carpenter take advantage of the same ecosystem? After all, Substack has ceased being a place where people merely host their newsletters and has become an algorithm-driven social media site of its own through notes and “rising” lists that encourage people not to post for their readers, but for the Substack audience itself. And ever since that one viral piece about Carpenter (you know which one, chile), Substack users can’t wait to fire off their own takes, responses to takes, or even just notes about how they “don’t care” about Carpenter. They’ll take the engagement, though!
The real problem isn’t Carpenter. It’s the algorithm that allows everyone to eat off an opinion on Carpenter.
Remember what Ann Coulter said about Howard Dean once? Well, to borrow from JD Vance is a faggot.
Sometimes, I feel like maybe I’m not analyzing as hard as I should because I didn’t think Sabrina’s album cover was all that bad…..