The Valley is Full of Terrorists

The Valley Recap

The Valley

Season 2, Episode 4 "The Circle of Strife"

Grade: B-

I didn't forget to recap this past week's episode, but I was 1) busy and 2) it was kinda boring after last week's fantastic episode. But mostly, it's because we focus a little too much on Zack who is the worst kind of Bravolebrity. He's so incredibly thirsty and in love with being a reality TV star that nothing about him feels fun or authentic. Case in point: his beef with Janet. Janet is doing the most, for sure, and she was wrong to group Kristen in with Zack's comments about her. But not inviting Zack on her babymoon last year made all the sense in the world when you find out what he actually said (more on that soon). Also, not inviting you on one trip isn't getting you out of the group, chile. I will say, however, this is a beautiful episode for Janet who is playing this show's game beautifully. Unfortunately, Jesse is really good at the game too. Michelle, who should be more likable than her sociopathic ex, is not good at the game but desperate to win it, which unfortunately makes her unlikable. Let's get into it.

Everyone arrives in Santa Barbara. Jesse greets everyone with white flags to wave in the name of peace. The first thing on the agenda is an F1 race. While everyone gets dressed, Kristen and Luke fuck because they're trying to have a baby. Jesse is dressed in a jumpsuit from an actual F1 sponsor he got. Is this how he paid for the house? LOL. Michelle complains about having to look at Jesse, who walks around shirtless with the top of his jumpsuit tied around his waist. Sorry, but Jesse is hot! In a confessional, Zack tries pretending he wouldn't fuck Jesse if given the chance. As it turns out, the F1 race is them racing toy trucks. Which is cute and also kinda cheap.

But the important thing that happens in this scene is that Jax rage texts Brittany from rehab about hos he's not a good wife, how much she sucks for not visiting him after three days. Once again, the show veers into UNCOMFORTABLE to watch. This isn't entertaining! Why is Jax allowed to text Brittany from rehab? And why is it on camera? Fuck him. And honestly, Bravo sucks for enabling him! I can't even talk about this toy truck race I'm so mad. Also, someone gave Zack a tiny cut-out of his boyfriend Benji that he's carrying about it's ALSO annoying me, so I'm just moving on to the next scene.