Soft Rock, Not Soft Life
On why I can't embrace a soft life
I sent a text to a guy just to say hi. I knew we had plans a week later, but I wanted the dopamine rush of a text notification from a guy you’re crushing on. I didn’t hear from him until a week later, the day before for our actual plans, receiving a simple: “still on for tomorrow?” Lately, TikTok influencers have been touting the concept of living a "soft life," a life unencumbered by hustle culture, a life full of bougie aesthetics, and romantic life that's not stressful. Waiting for a text for a week from a man is not what I would call, by definition, unstressful. Perhaps I'm not cut out for the soft life.
A few weeks ago I discovered Infinity Song, a band signed to Jay-Z's label and recent nemesis of Nicki Minaj, Roc Nation. Described as "a sibling band and music collective," Infinity Song is comprised of Victory, Abraham, Angel, Israel, and Thalia Boyd. Five New York-based siblings who sing in the soft rock genre. Soft rock being a genre born in the '60s as a response to the music of Jimi Hendrix and Led Zeppelin. Think artists like Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles, The BeeGees, Carole King, and even neo soul artists like Hall & Oates, funk singers Lionel Richie, and jazz rockers Steely Dan.
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I was immediately entranced by these Black siblings' throwback aesthetic popping into my TikTok feed, with Wes Anderson style cuts and framing in their videos, paired with silky vocals and vintage '70s attire. I've long been a fan of soft rock and neo soul, my love of Hall & Oates has been well documented (by my forearm tattoo of the band's Big Bam Boom album cover lettering alone). Whenever life feels chaotic or emotionally intense, I tend to retreat to my private oasis of getting stoned and listening to my vinyls Is that by definition the "soft life"?
I'd argue not. The hallmark of soft rock is romance. And as the Carpenters once sang, "all you get from love is a love song."
Oh it's a dirty old shame
When all you get from love is a love song
That's got you layin' up nights
Just waitin' for the music to start
It's such a dirty old shame
When you got to take the blame for a love song
Because the best love songs
Are written with a broken heart
The Carpenters, "All You Get From Love Is A Love Song" (1976)
And well, that sounds more in line with constantly checking your phone to see if you have a text from a boy you have a crush on. My friend Brendon Holder, author of the newsletter Loosey, would advocate against such behavior. He's routinely told me his mantra, "Don't be somebody's first bad bitch!" Which implies that we should aspire to be bad bitches who have to avoid the barrage of mediocre men chasing after us. I don't think I have beaucoup mediocre men chasing after me. I barely have one coming out of cuffing season. Whereas Brendon urges our friends in our group chat to curate a sense of mystery and intrigue, a BRAND, I realize that I talk too much to be mysterious, my life is too public to possess any intrigue (no one with a podcast possesses intrigue), and my brand at times is, well, like that Sandra Bullock and Billy Bob Thornton movie Our Brand Is Crisis.
Soft life involves lush aesthetics like bubble baths and candles. I actually hate bubble baths and I'm usually running late so I don't enjoy my showers. My home aesthetic involves a lot of clutter — books in piles around my walls, busy wallpaper and vintage '70s furniture pieces. I like to drink champagne, but you’ll probably find me chugging vodka and smoking menthols off my fire escape. That is, when I’m not too lazy to climb out the fire escape and just opt to smoke in my apartment with the window cracked. I think the soft life prefers the scent of Jo Malone candles to the scent of cigarette smoke in your couch’s fabric.
And my romantic life is usually a mess of unanswered texts or sex with men I've sworn off or making out with strangers in sweaty nightclubs. I don't have the time for expensive travel and hanging in airline lounges anymore because I lost my Diamond Medallion status during the writers' strike (dropping from Diamond to Silver in one year seems rude as hell, maybe I should switch from Delta to another airline) and besides, I spend all my money on drugs anyway. My life is a little bit more Fleetwood Mac than fleets of private jets.
And so this year, I'm embracing the Soft Rock Life. There's still plenty of Me Time, I wouldn't embrace any life that didn't fully embrace the narcissism inherent in daily self-care. But also, life is a little chaotic and I fully embrace it.
i've been repeating your friend's mantra as my mantra since I read this. could be life changing. xo
This was such beautiful writing, thank you for sharing. Side note, Delta is definitely pissing me off so I can understand how annoying the Diamond to Silver drop is (though AA hasn't fully convinced me to make the jump even as a card holder)