RHONY Power Rankings: It Makes Me Angu-ill

Season 14, Episodes 8-10

The All-New Real Housewives of New York City

Season 14, Episodes 8-10: “Business Classy,” “Nothing About Anguilla,” “Naughty-ical by Nature”

I left you without a dope beat to step to and I apologize for that, but I needed a bit of a break after turning in my book and also it’s not like much has been popping off on RHONY. I do still love the series and it’s a fun breath of fresh air, but I also think this season didn’t need to be 13 episodes? We’re still getting to know the women and a shorter, tighter season could’ve done wonders. Case in point, we’re in Anguilla and we’ve barely had any iconic Housewives trip moments. Where’s the shopping? The glam? We’ve gotten a lot of trauma bonding and that I am certainly growing tired of. Thank God Ubah finally got things Ubah Hot this week…

Also: shout out to loyal reader Pavit Randhawa, who sadly isn’t in Anguilla with his wife, so you’re not on this week’s list! I hope the cameras followed you to Vietnam!!

6 - Sai de Silva

(Last week: 6)

I will say one thing, Sai comes across better in person than she does on this show. I interviewed her for an upcoming episode of Keep It Real (dropping before the reunion!) and she was surprisingly delightful. How unfortunate then that she continues to be Complainer in Chief and unfortunately, a righteous one at that. Pressing everyone to reveal their traumas and then attacking Jessel for what she believes is an exaggerated backstory has been exhausting. I would love if Sai embraced villainy just for the hell of it next season, but not out of an attempt at “sisterhood,” just because it’s fun to nitpick and create chaos. But until then, she’s about the only lady who hasn’t really given me a moment I’ve enjoyed on the show. She is however one of the best dressed, so that counts for something!

5 - Erin Lichy

(Last week: 7)

Erin confuses me. Part of the time I want to stan her, because she’s doing the work of a ghost producer, constantly making martinis out of vermouth and stirring up drama… but most of the time, when she’s angry about something she’s incredibly aggravating and she doesn’t handle being shady with any conviction. When she revealed to the women that Jenna skipped out on flying with them because she didn’t want to fly coach, that was shady. But did she own it like a bone collector? No, she was haughty about it! And haughty when she was called out on being messy! If you’re gonna be the secret spiller of the group, then you kinda have to own it. At this point, it seems like she’s only getting the other women to open up to use it against them later. Like when she continued to harangue Brynn about flirting with Abe, then accused Brynn of lying about her fertility story. It’s giving less reality show heel and more bad friend.

Then there’s hiding Ubah’s phone. She should’ve expected some smoke from that and when she got it, she ran scared. Pick a lane, Erin!

4 - Jessel Taank

(Last week: 1)

Jessel is still one of my faves on the show, but she hasn’t had much to do in Aguilla. She was berated by Sai and Erin for sharing stories about her upbringing, but it really just made those women look awful. Jessel stays cooly in the middle of the rankings without even doing anything, just because the other girls are so bothered by her.

4 - Brynn Whitfield

(Last week: 2)

Brynn went down some points the first week in Anguilla when she pressed Jenna about why she felt uncomfortable showing skin because of her genetic disorder. I felt most of the women save Jessel were assholes to Jenna about it. If she says she needs a tan so she can clear up her skin discolorations then let her! I’m saying this as someone who’s also uncomfortable around their more athletic friends when we’re on a vacation together and I will always do whatever I need to protect my peace.

After that, Brynn has sort of laid low except for the aforementioned skirmish with Erin where she was accused of exaggerating her fertility story. All of these women think each other are liars! It’s becoming exhausting.

2 - Ubah Hassan

(Last week: 5)

Finally, Ubah Hot appears!! Ubah has been mostly serving friend of vibes and I wondered how she ended up with an apple this season. That is, until she snapped on Erin this week for pranking her and stealing her phone. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with snatching off Erin’s sunglasses and getting in her face during an argument, but also I don’t watch reality TV to agree with everyone on the show (unlike the Big Brother fanbase, apparently).

We got some much needed conflict this season that wasn’t about who had an easy childhood and who grew up on food stamps and taking baths in 99-cent Arizona iced teas.

1 - Jenna Lyons

(Last week: 3)

If you come for the queen, you best not miss! Jenna Lyons finally got in the driver’s seat this season and skipped out on the plane ride to Anguilla so she could fly business class and sunbathe on the beach. It just so happens that she also has a gnarly skin condition that she’d prefer to hide with a tan, so when the girls called her out on going early (thanks to Erin being a snake), she had an immediate response. Brynn getting upset just made her look bad. Honestly, the women (save Jessel, who check in on Jenna after the confrontation) were so awful to Jenna that after three episodes in Anguilla she’s still the reigning champ. I hope she roasts their asses for it at the reunion, because it’s clear that many of them thought Jenna wasn’t going to be a fan favorite this season. And now they’re all on the losing team.

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In case you missed the first episode of Keep It Real, it’s available to watch here: