RHONY finally got fun?
RHONY Recap
The Real Housewives of New York
Season 15, Episodes 11 - 13
Grade: A-
It turns out that I forgot to edit my recaps of the previous two episodes. This is unfortunate because the show managed to turn into some semblance of entertaining (mildly) once the ladies hit Puerto Rico. None of you are watching this damn show anyway, so let’s just run down everything that happened in the past couple of episodes and then move on to this week’s!
The ladies arrive at JFK for the trip to Puerto Rico. Once they arrive, Racquel tells them that some people have to share rooms. She and Jenna are sharing a room and two other people have to. Brynn takes it upon herself to say she’ll the shittiest room so that she can be alone. She then puts Sai and Rebecca in a room together. Rebecca hates Brynn but goes with the flow. Erin thinks Rebecca is scared of Brynn.
In a hilarious moment, we see the staff at the house prepping for the ladies’ arrival. Marieliz, the house manager, and Eli, the bartender, have never heard of this show. He serves them rum punch and Erin asks what’s in it. Honey…
Brynn, of course, takes a big room because she’s a fucking liar. This leaves Ubah with a tiny room because she grabbed food instead of a room. She is NOT meant for Housewives. I’m sorry. Because if you’re gonna chill, then you can’t flip out when you get a shitty room. Which she does when she finds out that Brynn took the better room and stuck her with the tiny one. She shouts that she has TOO much money to stay here! “I have more money than her! I’ll stay at the St. Regis!” Girl, it has its own bathroom…
Racquel is not seeing it for Ubah. In a confessional, she says, “Don’t tell me this room is too small. I’ve seen your apartment.” Ubah goes outside to talk to production about her room. She REFUSES! She wants to go to the St. Regis. LMAO. Sai takes the room. She’s short enough for the bed. And Erin takes the room with Rebecca. Brynn is such a Ramona. I would drag the fuck out of her. Erin is being awfully nice to Ubah, who doesn’t appreciate it all. She’s.. taxing.
Jessel can’t find her suitcase. She wanders in and out of rooms, looking for it, stressed out.
Meanwhile, Rebecca says she wishes she could have a room to herself since she shared last time. Plus, she has four kids and a husband and wishes she could have had a solo room for the weekend. Brynn is like, “We ALL get it. We’re all busy.” First off, Rebecca didn’t say BUSY. And you live alone! Brynn is an asshole. Rebecca says, “You’ll know when you have [kids].” LMAO. Brynn is pissed that she got clocked. She deserved it!
Jessel shouts at production to stop filming because her bag is missing. This is a reminder to all of you to put air tags in your luggage! She’d have learned that Brynn hid her luggage. Like I said. An asshole. Didn’t we already do this with Ubah and her phone last year??
Ubah sits down with Erin and we talk about this gaslighting shit again. Enouuuuuugh. Racquel wants the drama to end. It ends up with more squabbling among the women. Sai agrees that Erin is a gaslighter. I hate this word so much. Erin storms off. Ubah storms off too, following Erin. She tries to mend fences. She’s very bad at mending fences.
Brynn gets in the pool with Sai and Ubah and says, “Look at all the black girls in the pool lmao!” She’s really PUSHING it with the “I’m black” jokes this season. Brynn asks the ladies if she overreacted to Rebecca’s comment. Meanwhile, Rebecca says she commented BECAUSE she knows Brynn desperately wants to be a mom. She gave her a dose of her own medicine. I’m cackling. Rebecca, get her ass!
The ladies go to dinner. The conversation turns to Jenna’s stoop sale and she admits that her “new” Bentley was a loaner. Girl… maybe she is broke… Erin makes fun of Jenna’s old car and calls it a “hooptie.” I laughed but why does she know that word?
Erin tries to cool things with Brynn and Rebecca. She explains that you don’t get “a full sleep” when you have kids. Brynn says she doesn’t get a full sleep either, she has puppies and Russian billionaires calling her and her app developers??? Girl, shut the FUCK up. Sai clocks it in a confessional: “You live in a one-bedroom apartment, there’s no Russian billionaire calling you.” Rebecca tells Brynn she thrives off being a bully and it needs to end. “You can STOP.” Brynn is finally shook.
The next day, Racquel is anxious about her mom’s arrival. She talks to Sai about her mom’s absence and they share stories about their Puerto Rican upbringings and how they’re privileged to have therapy be commonplace now. Marian, her mom, arrives. They eat bacalao which looks good as hell. The last time Racquel was here was a few months after Maria. It’s a lovely visit and it’s sweet to see Racquel sharing her life on camera like this. She’s the winner of this season for me.
The ladies go into the city to shop. Erin, Jenna, and Brynn opt to drink. Brynn derides the others as “content creators” because they’re taking photos. She is truly vexing to me. The ladies talk about dick pics and the convo turns to Abe’s dick. Brynn shows the ladies her man’s dick. Apparently, it’s big. I wanna see it! Abe is cute…
Later at lunch, Ubah finds a problem (of course) with Erin showing off her man’s dick pic. “Oliver, I would never,” Ubah says. Girl, you don’t even show him on BRAVO we know we’re not seeing his dick anytime soon! I get bored again as these women argue about nothing and then they bounce as pigeons flock to the table. More pigeon shit. Jesus.
Back at the house, Brynn and Rebecca finally come to a truce! And now, we’re finally in this week’s episode…