Real Housewives of New York is Too Self-Aware

RHONY Recap

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The Real Housewives of New York

Season 15, Episode 2: “You Can Run But You Can’t Ride”

Grade: B-

I’ve seen so many variations online of “the new RHONY is enjoyable when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you they miss the old drunk OGs” lately. And while it’s kinda true, I am enjoying the reboot, there’s still something that’s not clicking about the series. And I think it’s the fact that the ladies are far too self-aware. They’re velociraptors who’ve learned how to open doorknobs in Jurassic Park. To some extent, all Real Housewives are self-aware. Take Salt Lake City, for instance. But the women there lean in and give you messy drama. They fight with gusto and for the most part, don’t care about how they come off. They keep the mess ON camera.

The same can’t be said about the ladies of New York, where once again, the majority of the drama is happening OFF camera. This is yet another episode where the ladies talk around shit that has either happened off camera, act cagey about information they don’t want to share, or act straight up oblivious about the fact that being on a reality TV show means you have to talk about your fucking life.

The first perpetrator is Erin. Erin shares with us that Abe has done something to betray her, but she won’t tell us what it is. Lady??? I’m getting tired. Erin has also chopped off some her hair in solidarity with her mom who’s going through chemotherapy. They go wig shopping in anticipation of her mother losing all of her hair. Ubah shows up for moral support and Erin goes on about how she’s still pissed about Brynn meddling in her relationship with Jenna. I don’t think Brynn did that. I think Erin did that all by herself. Case in point, in a confessional Erin offers that in Antigua last season, Jenna shared that there have been some times when her money was dry. So maybe that’s why Brynn ran with the idea that Erin was saying Jenna had money problems. Now girl… isn’t this doing exactly what you’re accused of doing? Talking about Jenna’s money on camera?

Speaking of Jenna, she meets up with Sai who’s still attempting to have a Zen year. Except, Sai is still pissed at Brynn, so good luck with that. Sai is mad that Brynn ran back shit she said about Jenna. Just like last episode, Jenna reiterates that the streets have BEEN saying Sai talks shit about her! As in, people NOT on the show Sai. As in, you’re quite busted. Sai quickly side-steps this by bringing up a tex that Brynn sent everyone off camera to prove that Brynn gets as angry as she does. Okay??? In the text, Brynn refers to herself as “carbon monoxide” because I guess you can’t see her coming when she’s on the attack or something? I don’t even have any idea what Sai is attempting to do here besides throw Brynn under the bus. But Jenna could not give a fuck. The most interesting thing about this scene is that Jenna orders a latte with cow milk. “Nothing with a nut!” Cow milk is back, I agree.

Erin arrives at Brynn’s for a sit down about their issues. Keep in mind, the “issue” is that Erin allegedly referred to Brynn as a call girl on Jeff Lewis’ radio show. Which multiple flashbacks reveal did not happen. Brynn’s elevator is broken so Erin has to walk up the stairs. I did laugh at this. And I also laughed at Brynn pouring Erin tap water before she arrives and saying, “This bitch deserves tap.” But then, when Erin sits down and tries to explain herself, Brynn barely pays attention to her and plays on her phone the entire time. I would’ve left this heffa’s house so fast. You’re not even bothering to engage in the sit down? That’s Housewives 101! Brynn says doesn’t like being yelled at by grown women because she’s not from Staten Island. Erin resents that, she’s not from Staten Island, she’s a born and raised city person. Brynn rolls her eyes: “Okay, city person.”

Brynn brings up the radio interview again and finally, Erin breaks down about her mom. Brynn decides to forgive Erin, because she seems to get some kind of weird glee out of seeing her cry? She doesn’t even give Erin a hug. Man, Brynn is whack.

Jenna buys a new 2024 Bentley Flying Spur to show she’s not broke. Technically, it could be on credit since we didn’t see the purchase, but go ahead on stunt on these hoes.

Erin and Abe have dinner and finally reveal their fight to us. The big secret is… he sold their Bitcoin. Excuse me? I was about to be pissed at this being the big secret, until he reveals that he did so years ago without telling her, when she was expecting to use that money on their mortgage. And also, they have other unpaid bills. Ohhhhh. This man is putting her in debt. No wonder she’s pissed. Erin? Start separating your assets, girl! But ALSO… wait a minute. Erin is the one with money problems and she’s been running around talking about everyone else’s money. No wonder! I can’t wait till Jenna clocks her ass. Anyway, she’s also inviting the girls to her (currently under construction, apparently) home in the Hamptons again. Erin, I’m gonna hold your hand when I say this… your Hamptons home will never be the Berkshires.

Ubah and Sai link up to maximize their joint boring. Ubah and Sai are Team Hate Brynn. Sai is GEEKED for a Brynn takedown. She’s begging for it. She’s dying for it!! But Ubah is the only one with a legit gripe, since Brynn revealed on camera details about Ubah’s boyfriend. But I find it hard to be on Ubah’s side when she’s on a reality show and I don’t care if she wanted to keep her boyfriend a secret! What else are we watching you for? Your bad wigs?

Brynn arrives at Blade, because she’s going to helicopter the girls to the Hamptons. I’m assuming this is sponcon because Brynn is always wearing Blade hats in scenes. Rebecca Minkhoff arrives. We still haven’t gotten a single introduction package for Rebecca, by the way! She was just plopped into the show with absolutely no explanation of who she is and why she matters in New York City. Old gays like me know who she is, but do younger people watching this show know her? FINALLY Jessel appears in the episode and it’s her struggling with an umbrella as she tries to enter the building.

Sai and Ubah have skipped the Blade and are driving up. Brynn thinks Sai skipped the helicopter because she doesn’t want to be with her. I mean, it’s hella cloudy, sis, I wouldn’t get in a helicopter either? Jessel FaceTimes Jenna to ask her where she is, only to find out that Jenna is also driving up and forgot to tell them. She also forgot to tell them she bought a Bentley. Oops! Jenna lets them know Racquel is also driving herself up. Brynn says she completely forgot about Racquel. LOL. I mean, I did too. She actually had a scene earlier in the episode where she talked about how she cooks food for her dog and yet makes her kids order takeout but it was incredibly boring.

On the helicopter, Brynn finally does something useful and asks Rebecca what we’ve all been wanting to know: “If people ask us about the Scientology shit, what do you want us to say?” Finally! Someone in this cast has put on their producer hat! This show is severely lacking in a Gizelle Bryant or Lisa Rinna to make these women talk about shit on camera. Rebecca responds with: “No comment!” The fuck?

Rebecca says the Daily Mail is gonna run a story about her, but she’s been telling all of her friends to just say “no comment.” We then see all of the headlines that ran about Rebecca joining the show and all of them mention the fact that she’s a Scientologist. Girl, you knew it was gonna come up. And if you aren’t planning to discuss it… why are you here??