Please Let Celebrities Be F**king Weird, Okay?
On Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly
We discussed "parasocial relationships" on Keep It this week. Mostly in the context of how we discuss John Mulaney and whether or not we should "gossip" about celebrities, now that we're in an era where everyone encourages us to be nicer to celebrities. Or your trash talking a celeb could mean they hop in your mentions or DMs. All that has gone out the window on the internet however, because Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly have people in absolute shambles.
First things first, we are always here for Megan Fox. Her comeback has been years in the making, from being the best part of This is 40 to the cult appreciation of Jennifer's Body. Literally every Megan red carpet moment makes me horny and I am not a straight man. That is this woman's power.
Now, because she's a single woman, we expect a new man to come along to create a Hollywood power couple. But also, she's haven't her best moment of her life and the way to ensure that it keeps going is to become tabloid and paparazzi and Deux Moi fodder. So you know she wasn't about to date some regular degular dude. No, she linked up with Machine Gun Kelly who is a white rapper I am definitely aware of!!! I can never decide whether I like him or G-Eazy more, but Kelly was quite fantastic in the film Beyond the Lights and his latest album Tickets to My Downfall abandons rapping for 2000s pop punk and I kinda love it. G-Eazy may still win for creating the song "No Limit" and giving the world one of Cardi's best verses, however.
As a couple Megan and Kelly (wait, I don't like that group of words together…) work. They're both very hot and they have chaotic Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton energy. It helps that I care about both of them as much as I care about Angelina and Billy respectively. But they've gone overboard with trying to let us know how much they're obsessed with each other and now people have had it. Their recent GQ interview is what crossed them over into cringe territory, apparently. Because of exchanges like this:
MGK and Fox say they really met for the first time in 2020 on the set of the action flick Midnight In The Switchgrass, but they actually met briefly a few years before that, introduced at a GQ party in LA. ‘This weird thing happened,’ says Fox. ‘We didn’t see each other.’ She looks at him. ‘Do you remember [seeing] my face?’
‘That’s what’s crazy,’ he says, ‘I don’t. I don’t remember your face.’
‘I don’t remember your face... And I definitely would have remembered his face,’ she continues. ‘I just remember this tall, blond, ghostly creature and I looked up and I was like, “You smell like weed.” He looked down at me and he was like, “I am weed.” Then, I swear to God, he disappeared like a ninja in a smoke bomb.’
Is the rest of the interview cringe? A bit, yeah. But my position is that they should absolutely be obnoxious and cringe worthy because I have had it up to here with boring celebrities. Every celebrity now runs their personality through algorithms and PR teams and tries to be "relatable" on Instagram. I don't give a fuck about the relatability of celebrities. I want them to be crazy, I want them to be cringe, I want them to be over the top. Because if they're relatable then they might as well be my friends and I have enough of those.
I'm so sorry that you find Megan and MGK obnoxious, would you rather they be a sweet Jesus loving couple who wears beige sweaters and shares their favorite Starbucks orders and encourages you to donate to LGBTQ+ causes or some shit? Angelina became iconic because she announced on a red carpet she and Billy had sex in their limo before arriving. Because they wore vials of each other's blood. Because then she broke up sweet, Instagram-ready before Instagram couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston.
Unfollow all boring celebrities. I don't want them relatable, I want them weird like Victoria Beckham in her Vogue 73 Questions when asked the one thing in the world she could get rid of right now and she responds without hesitation, "AIDS!" It's usually the celebrities who try to be milquetoast and relatable who make me want to turn off my Zoom while interviewing them on Keep It. You can probably guess who!
I'm here for weird, annoying celebrity couples. Shoot me if Megan and Kelly start taking walks and holding hands like Shawn and Camilla. Is that what you all want?
It’s not news at this point that I find Trump hilarious at times, but him calling Meghan McCain “a bully and basically a low life” after watching her insult him on Watch What Happens Live is the funniest thing I’ve heard all year. I’m sorry!!