It's Jessel's Party, and It Can Bore Me If It Wants To

RHONY Recap

The Real Housewives of New York

Season 15, Episode 5: “Without a Clue”

Grade: C+

To quote Ice Spice, “If the party not lit, then I rather not go.” Such is the case with Jessel’s birthday party on this week’s episode of RHONY. The theme itself isn’t the problem. Clueless is a perfect theme for a birthday party! But unfortunately, when this group of women is together they have all of the chemistry of Natalie Portman and Hayden Christians in the Star Wars prequels. That reference was for Pavit, because as Jessel says, he’s more of a Star Wars and Star Trek guy than Clueless, which he’s never seen. However, I doubt Pavit reads these recaps anymore because I am not enjoying the show as much as I did last year. Last year, I had high hopes for this reboot. This year, the fundamental problems at play become more apparent with each episode.

I’m going to lay a lot of the blame on the producers. In this episode alone, you have Erin refusing to confront Jenna about a conflict they have and Brynn bailing on a party to go get a fucking spray tan! Bravo producers have traditionally not let shit like this fly so I’m wondering why the women on RHONY seem to have so much free reign to do whatever the fuck they want when they should be filming a reality show. As if withholding parts of their lives weren’t enough, now they’re not even doing the basic job requirements when they’re filming.

If anything, I found everyone’s individual scenes much more interesting this week than the group scenes. This group just doesn’t gel, unfortunately. They feel like co-workers. They’re passive-aggressive when it comes to conflict. They’d rather play telephone than confront any issue head-on. And never mind the fact that their “issues” are so minuscule as to be annoying. Everyone’s “conflicts” in this series amount to “bad vibes” or “feelings.” No one has done anything to anyone to warrant beef. So each week, these women end up squabbling over inconsequential shit that doesn’t move the story or their relationships forward. This season has absolutely no momentum, I’m at a loss as to what kind of show it’s even attempting to be. We’ve long abandoned hope of it looking like any other Real Housewives franchise, but what’s the aim here? The women’s lives aren’t particularly aspirational, since most of them use the show to boost their own platforms. The show isn’t particularly funny. There’s barely any conflict. These are all the tenets of reality television. This is almost anti-reality television!