How RHOP Got Its Groove Back

RHOP Premiere Recap

The Real Housewives of Potomac

Season 9, Episode 1: “A Crash Course in Deflection”

Grade: B+

I was actually excited to watch this premiere, which is surprising, because the last three seasons of this show have been downright depressing. And last season was completely unwatchable. I bailed somewhere in the middle of that never-ending Texas trip and came back for the finale and the reunion. Bravo sensed that fans were fed up and finally made some changes. Robyn and Candiace were axed. Fans of Candiace will tell you she left of her own accord, which, sure. I have better things to do than argue with them and they’re allegedly boycotting the series now, so why bother anyway!

The show was in dire need of a refresh, not a reboot. And if this premiere is any indication, we might just be getting that this season. The introduction of Stacey as a Housewife, giving Kierna her champagne flute, bringing back Jacqueline as a Friend Of, and including Vivien and Jassi as Friends in the first episode allowed the the OGs and Wendy and Mia to anchor a new era of Potomac.

Of course we start the season out with some MESS. We get a re-enactment of Karen’s DUI that happened just before filming. I love these producers. After the re-enactment, Gizelle is the first on the scene to pick up Karen and take her to brunch. She wants to get the details about the car crash and about Karen’s upcoming court case. “You can read, can’t you?” Karen says, deflecting, as usual. She brushes off questions about the DUI and places the blame on marriage problems with Ray and her parents’ death. Which she’s blamed all her problems on for the past few seasons. Karen is always gonna give you a dishonest song and dance. We love her, but she lies more than anyone else on this show!

Mia and her soon-to-be-ex-husband Gordon meet in the park to… discuss paternity of their son son Jeremiah, which is WILD. I absolutely thought they would drop this after G brought it up on camera last year, but no, Mia is going to see this storyline through all the way to hell. Mia is concerned that Jeremiah will “potentially come across this” information as an adult. Yeah, he probably will. Because you fucking idiots brought it up on TV?

Ashley meets with her divorce attorney and it’s the same shit she’s been spinning as a storyline for three years. Girl, we’re tired.

Wendy has decided to resign from John Hopkins University, so she writes a resignation letter on camera. The producers ain’t shit for catching the typos in this e-mail, but I also don’t believe this is actually how she resigned. Because how did you clean out your office and then resign? I guess this all so she can start working on her non-existent talk show (maybe she’s waiting for this season to air to drop more episodes??) or whatever new business venture she’ll cook up this season.

Karen goes dress shopping at her friend Vivien’s store. Vivien, a new Friend Of, is a gorgeous dark-skinned woman. Another gorgeous dark-skinned woman, Stacey, shows up. She’s a new Housewive. No colorism charges this season!! Stacey just moved back to Potomac from Philly and she’s excited to attend the birthday party Gizelle is throwing for Karen. Karen, shady as ever, points out that Stacey isn’t wearing her rock on her finger as usual. Vivien even tries to stop this line of questioning, but Stacey admits that she is separating from her husband after 16 years. But don’t worry, Stacey seems like she’ll be able to handle Karen just fine. As she and Vivien drink champagne and Karen drinks water, she asks Karen if it’s okay to drink around her. Gagged her. Karen insists she’s not drinking only because of her pain medication. Sure.

The birthday party thrown by Gizelle is called a Hattitude party, because you’re supposed to leave your attitude at the door, and also Gizelle likes to come up with stupid names for things. There is also a cardboard cutout of Karen in attendance.

Ashley arrives with a shady gift for Karen… a bounce back basket. With water and Uber gift cards in it. One thing Ashley is always gonna do is cause mess, even if she’s not gonna give us anything going on in her own life. I miss when Michael used to show up and create chaos every season!

Wendy arrives, thanking Gizelle for the invite, but also lets us know that the invite is not an olive branch and she plans to sit down with Gizelle and hash out their issues. Good. I don’t want a fake reconciliation like Sai and Jessel on RHONY. Mia shows up with her girlfriend Jassi, ANOTHER dark-skinned woman. Bravo was tired of the online chatter lmaoo. Jassi’s husband is on the Kansas City Chiefs, which prompts Wendy to ask if she’s met Taylor Swift. Because she’s turning into a Swiftie. Now, girl…

I am interested in Jassi’s connection to the Chiefs, however, especially since Bravo is developing a show about the Chiefs WAGS. Is this really an attempt to backdoor a Real Housewives of Kansas City?

Jacqueline is also there and shares with the group that Karen called her while tipsy the other night. So, I guess she’s the new Robyn? Of course, when Karen arrives with Vivien and Stacey, Jacqueline is on MUTE about the tipsy phone call. Girl, the time to be messy is when Karen is there. At least Robyn understood the assignment. Most of the time!

Gizelle introduces Karen to the drink menu. There’s a Surry County, The 61, and a non-alcoholic Grand Dame. Gizelle, please. Karen is not amused in her confessional: “She has a disease… it’s called, Messy Gizzy… ain’t been here five minutes, you showing your old stripes.” Gizelle tells Karen that the ladies have some questions for her about her DUI. Jacqueline, instead of posting up, says, “I’m just happy no one was injured, or no child was killed.” Okay, that was funny, but she’s still sneak dissing Karen when she should be confronting her directly.

Karen stops all the chatter and issues a warning to the ladies: “Who is my real friend? I wanna see who the real soldiers for Karen Huger is, because I certainly don’t want any fake bitches around me. BE VERY MINDFUL OF HOW YOU GO SO LOW.” Well, damn.

Ashley asks for a timeline on Karen’s court date, to which she responds: “As long as it takes for the wheels of justice to prevail!” How could you ever hate Karen Huger?

Gizelle steps into help her frenemy by asking Mia about Gordon and Inc. She asks Mia if she’s shared Inc with Jacqueline yet. Gizelle is a damn mess. You could never make me hate her either. Mia says absolutely not. Jacqueline says Mia didn’t mind sharing G, because Mia and G were more of a business partnership. Gizelle: “That’s a long business arrangement…”

Karen brings up the fact that Mia’s kids saw her in bed with Inc. She’s displeased with this. Mia says that G is responsible for that info being public, not her. Karen and Gizelle counter that Mia has not protected her kids at all costs. Wendy tries to come to Mia’s defense, telling the ladies that as mothers, they’re being kinda heavy on her. But Mia has had with with Karen and Gizelle, calls their line of questioning fucked up and storms out. Jassi and Jacqueline follow Mia to the bathroom, where she slams the door shut on the cameras. And that’s how Karen and Gizelle got their groove back and took all the heat off Karen’s DUI and threw it on Mia. They’re pros!