First, may I just say I'm holding space for your grief (a phrase I generally hate, a sentiment I don't). Grief is exhausting because it requires extra everything, a colleague told me when my older brother died of leukemia almost 5 years ago. He died just 5 days after going to the local ER with what he thought was a broken ankle. He and I both lived in DC and I was with him when he died. His death was incredibly traumatic for me, but my journey of grief has been so profound (shout out to my therapist, 150mg Wellbutrin, "gardening," and good sex, shout out to my husband). Grief is the last way we get to love someone, and you will always love your friend, just as I will always love my brother!
My condolences to you, Ira. I'm so sorry. Something I've done that helps me a lot is to set up recurring donations in memory of someone. My uncles for example, when they died a year apart, I set up a recurring monthly food bank donation in the town they grew up in, where they still lived, as they were always looking out for their friends, some of whom, I'm sure, might have needed this help. When I get the receipt for it, I remember them and smile a little at how they were both always that kind of guy.
On vacay and one of the two books that I threw in my bag is Consider the Lobster. Have refrained from dipping into DFW because of the previous book bro discourse. Most of the straight men in my life don't even read books, but from what I have seen, the 'book bros' have pivoted more to nonfiction.
I’m so sorry, Ira. Fleabag is my favorite depiction of grief—or at least the most accurate, I think. In particular, this line: “I don't know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now.”
I love that. Grief is just all the love we have for someone, looking for a place to go. 💖
So sorry for your loss, Ira. I’m unfortunately too familiar with grief, and thought Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee was a beautiful book on the topic. I’ve also had CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed on my TBR forever but have to be in the right mindset before reading it. Sending lots of hugs
I am a woman and love DFW in a very specific way that I’m not sure I can explain or justify. I also have depression, love watching tennis, and worked for the government; his footnote asides never feel like a slog through someone else’s tangent. I can’t tell you how many times a week I imagine him taking in our current dystopian hellscape (sponsored by CAPITALISM) and cry-laughing.
Sending you love, Ira. I’m so sorry. George sounds like he was such a light.
Books I return to when grieving: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner and Love Is a Mixtape by Rob Sheffield. Given how I felt reading your book of essays, I think you'd especially like the latter. I haven't read Time is a Mother by Ocean Vuong but that's on my list.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend. Andrea Gibson's poetry has given me comfort in my own grief, so I hope it can in yours. "Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, 'How tall are you?'" https://andreagibson.substack.com/p/love-letter-from-the-afterlife
I read Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" when my uncle was dying of cancer. For good re-watchs I'm in the middle of the Good Fight, and my favorite films to re-watch are the Lives of Others (German language) and Out of Sight (Soderbergh).
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep remembering your friend and keep taking take of yourself. Music has helped me with grieving. While it’s Spanish, I recommend Juan Gabriel’s “Amor Eterno.”
Ira, I’m so sorry for your loss. Cancer sucks. Thank you for telling us about George, he sounds amazing. ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ is my favourite depiction of grief. I also found ‘A Matter of Life and Death’ helped me in my own grief. Books: ‘A Pocketful of Happiness’ by Richard E.Grant. Sending love to you and George’s loved ones xx
First, may I just say I'm holding space for your grief (a phrase I generally hate, a sentiment I don't). Grief is exhausting because it requires extra everything, a colleague told me when my older brother died of leukemia almost 5 years ago. He died just 5 days after going to the local ER with what he thought was a broken ankle. He and I both lived in DC and I was with him when he died. His death was incredibly traumatic for me, but my journey of grief has been so profound (shout out to my therapist, 150mg Wellbutrin, "gardening," and good sex, shout out to my husband). Grief is the last way we get to love someone, and you will always love your friend, just as I will always love my brother!
my friend unfortunately died with the same illness and timeline (had no idea he had it, was gone in a week). thank you sharing ❤️
This Nick Cave piece has done a lot for me: https://www.theredhandfiles.com/how-to-heal-from-this/
Omg that is crazy! Oof, then I really know how you feel 🥺 so fucking unfair
My condolences to you, Ira. I'm so sorry. Something I've done that helps me a lot is to set up recurring donations in memory of someone. My uncles for example, when they died a year apart, I set up a recurring monthly food bank donation in the town they grew up in, where they still lived, as they were always looking out for their friends, some of whom, I'm sure, might have needed this help. When I get the receipt for it, I remember them and smile a little at how they were both always that kind of guy.
Something that helped me with grief: definitely the Didion you mentioned. Also Pema Chodron's Start Where You Are, a book of Buddhist thinking.
❤️❤️
Sending lots of love and hugs 🤗
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. The Dark Interval collection of Rilke on grief was helpful to me once. ❤️
On vacay and one of the two books that I threw in my bag is Consider the Lobster. Have refrained from dipping into DFW because of the previous book bro discourse. Most of the straight men in my life don't even read books, but from what I have seen, the 'book bros' have pivoted more to nonfiction.
I read Another Country two years ago - loved it - such a rich tapestry of characters!
I’m so sorry, Ira. Fleabag is my favorite depiction of grief—or at least the most accurate, I think. In particular, this line: “I don't know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now.”
I love that. Grief is just all the love we have for someone, looking for a place to go. 💖
So sorry for your loss, Ira. I’m unfortunately too familiar with grief, and thought Grief is Love by Marisa Renee Lee was a beautiful book on the topic. I’ve also had CS Lewis’ A Grief Observed on my TBR forever but have to be in the right mindset before reading it. Sending lots of hugs
I am a woman and love DFW in a very specific way that I’m not sure I can explain or justify. I also have depression, love watching tennis, and worked for the government; his footnote asides never feel like a slog through someone else’s tangent. I can’t tell you how many times a week I imagine him taking in our current dystopian hellscape (sponsored by CAPITALISM) and cry-laughing.
Sending you love, Ira. I’m so sorry. George sounds like he was such a light.
Books I return to when grieving: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner and Love Is a Mixtape by Rob Sheffield. Given how I felt reading your book of essays, I think you'd especially like the latter. I haven't read Time is a Mother by Ocean Vuong but that's on my list.
I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend. Andrea Gibson's poetry has given me comfort in my own grief, so I hope it can in yours. "Ask me the altitude of heaven, and I will answer, 'How tall are you?'" https://andreagibson.substack.com/p/love-letter-from-the-afterlife
I read Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture" when my uncle was dying of cancer. For good re-watchs I'm in the middle of the Good Fight, and my favorite films to re-watch are the Lives of Others (German language) and Out of Sight (Soderbergh).
I am so sorry for your loss. Keep remembering your friend and keep taking take of yourself. Music has helped me with grieving. While it’s Spanish, I recommend Juan Gabriel’s “Amor Eterno.”
I am sorry for your loss.
In event, the following piece may or may not be relevant to your discourse:
https://davidgottfried.substack.com/p/the-mafia-coke-fiends-i-knew-at-studio
Ira, I’m so sorry for your loss. Cancer sucks. Thank you for telling us about George, he sounds amazing. ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ is my favourite depiction of grief. I also found ‘A Matter of Life and Death’ helped me in my own grief. Books: ‘A Pocketful of Happiness’ by Richard E.Grant. Sending love to you and George’s loved ones xx
So sorry for your loss, take care of yourself and give yourself time. 💜May his memory be a blessing.